A few observations I’ve picked up over the years.

“Its two foot” – its not two foot…. its bigger. but I want to impress my friends by underestimating the size of the wave.

“Its three foot” – see above

‘Its three and a half foot’ – I’m a nob…

“Its four foot” – OK, its quite big now and I’ve just sent my mate off to be crucified at his local break because he actually thinks its four foot.

“ITS FOUR FOOT!“ – dont confuse this with the statement above. It sounds the same but really it means its f###ing huge. Hard to differentiate the two but when you paddle out and drown you’ll realise which one I meant.

“Its over four foot!!” – I’m lying. There’s no such thing as over four foot?

“Its a bit choppy but ridable” – its sh#t but I need to justify why I paddled out when it was so crappy.

“It could do with another foot on it” – I’m not good enough to ride these waves.

“Its closing out” – as above

“The banks not quite right” – as above

” Did you see my re-entry” – I know you didnt, cos I didnt really do one.

“I got air!” – all the way from the top of the wave to the bottom as I fell off.

“Hi man. Surfs pumping!” – you missed it!

“You should have been here earlier” – you missed it and I want you to know I’m glad you did because I now feel superior. Have a nice day.

Ensure you mix in a load of ‘like’s’, ‘cool’s’, ‘ripped’, ‘stoked’, ‘bud’, ‘brah’ (I fukin hate that one!!) and ‘awesome’s’ and nobody will be able to tell you apart from  the other dicks out in the ocean. There are plenty more but I cant think of them at the moment. I’ll add them as I think of them.

Fistral a couple of days ago when it was pumping. Oh yeh, and it was ? foot.